The Jokester

When most children are 5 they can recite the alphabet - my kids, they could recite jokes on topics from hotels to mother-in-laws to drunks. I used to tell them when we went out to story hour, "Don't repeat those jokes that Pop-Pop told you, not everyone will think they are funny." We, one the other hand, loved them. . . it's what made Pop-Pop, Pop-Pop. When we went to restaurants he'd make funny faces when the server turned around, never letting them catch him. My kids cracked up, only to confuse the poor server. My kids knew how to play the straight man. If Pop-Pop said, "I once had a goat who didn't have a nose." My kids knew to ask, "How did he smell?" To which Pop-Pop would say, "Pretty bad." Here are a few of his (and our) personal favorites.

I went to the doctor and he told me I was overweight, so I said I'd like a second opinion and he said, "Okay, you're ugly, too."

My doctor told me that if I wanted to improve my love life I should run 5 miles a day. I called my doctor a month later and he asked me, "How's your love life?" I said, "I don't know, I'm 150 miles away from home."

I went to a psychiatrist and told him, "Nobody listens to me." The psychiatrist said, "Next!"

I said, "Doc, it hurts when I go like this." He said, "then don't do that."

When I was in the war the Captain said, "Fire at will." When I wasn't shooting the Captain asked me why. I told him I didn't know who Will was.

When I was in the Navy I saved the lives of everyone on board ship. . .I shot the cook.

When I was in the Navy I got wounded and went to the hospital, there I took a turn for the nurse. . .I mean the worse.

Do you know the definition of a mother-in-law? The F.B.I. in bloomers.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I just got back from a pleasure trip - I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I was on the bus the other day and saw a woman crying. I asked her why she was crying and she said, "The bus driver told me my baby was ugly." I said, "Don't cry and here is a banana for your monkey."

The hotel I stayed at was noisy. All night long some girl was banging on my door. . .finally, I had to let her out.

The hotel clerk said I had a room with running water. "Like heck," I said, "I ain't sleeping with no Indian."

"I almost went into the Ladies Room. I thought it said Laddies."

Pop-Pop used to say, "The fun is in the re-telling." Well. . . Pop-Pop had a lot of fun!! If you could measure a man's worth by the amount of times he cheered someone's heart and made them laugh, then Pop-Pop was the wealthiest man to ever live. We'll miss him......