Stitches

So, my husband says, "Can you move your toes?"
I tried to and cried, "Waaaa, I can't move my toes!"
He said, "Yes, look your toes are moving."
I cried, "Waaaa, I can't feel my toes!"
He said, "Nobody can feel their toes."
I cried, "Waaaa . . . wait, what?"
He said, "Touch them and see if you feel anything."
I said, "Waaaa, I'm afraid."
He said, "Don't be afraid, because if you can't feel anything, it won't hurt when you get stitches."
I said, "Waaaa, I don't want stitches. I'll just stitch it myself. Get me a needle and thread."
He said, "Get in the car."
To the doctor in the ER I said, "Waaaa, can't I just stitch it myself."
The doctor said, "Does it hurt?"
I said, "Waaaa, it does."
He said, "What does it feel like?"
I said, "Like pain, duh."
He said, "Well, I'm done. Come back in 10 days and I'll remove the stitches."
To the nurse I said, "Can't I just remove the stitches myself and do I really need a tetanus shot and can I give it to myself if I really need it?"
The nurse said, "No and yes and no." However, after he gave me the tetanus shot, he gave my husband one sterilized Suture Removal Kit and said, "She ain't coming back, is she?"
" . . . ah . . . no," said the wisest man I know, my one and only, my feet hurt.