On Graduation Parties

On Graduation Parties - I think our high school graduates ought to give the parents a party rather than the other way around. It is in my humble opinion that the parents deserve to have a party thrown in their honor. I mean, who drove them to school, picked them up at the bus stop, made the lunches, bought the outfits, helped them study chemistry and mathematics, proof read the papers, prayed over the school, the teachers, the students, sent in pie on pi day and donuts to the secretaries, attended band concerts, choir concerts, awards ceremonies, conferences, plays and class trips, and who, may I ask, pays the taxes? Who homeschooled their senior because she didn't want to go back to public school? Really, what do the kids actually do? Yes, they get up every morning ready for the day. Yes, they do their homework and yes, they attend each and every class. And yes, they pass all their tests and they study for every exam. Yes, they write all their reports and essays and type each one out. And yes, they attend all their practices and performances. Yes, they far exceeded my expectations . . . okay, so a small party may be appropriate for their efforts . . . but 60 people??!! Is that really necessary???

What's For Dinner?

I think my family is under the mistaken impression that I have been diagnosed with a serious illness. Why else would they make dinner three nights in a row? Why else would they give me gifts? Why else would they water the garden without asking? Please don't tell them that the only thing wrong with me is peri-menopause. I mean, how would they know? (It's not like I talk about it or anything!) I don't even care that 2 of the 3 nights we had hot dogs and turkey burgers, I'm just glad not to be the one cooking. Of course, if I were the one cooking, we'd never have hot dogs and hamburgers on the same night. You see, hot dogs are a meal for one night and hamburgers are a meal for another night. But, again, since I'm not doing the meal planning, who cares? I mean, I really don't even care that we didn't have a vegetable for 3 nights or that french fries are loaded with fat. Well, I care a little bit, but I'd be sick to say so, right? Maybe I really am sick and they know something I don't, and maybe I have been diagnosed with some serious illness, and maybe the doctors told them and not me or maybe they just love me .........

Bad Planning

One should never plan to send a daughter to college and end a 7 year period of homeschooling during the wonderful *cough, cough* time of peri-menopause. Can you say mood swings!! emotional outbursts!! food cravings (well, I had to throw that in)!! Seriously, I would not have done a single thing differently, and my kids (though far from perfect) gave me the most perfect gift with the most perfect words, "Mom, you have prepared us for life and showed us how to live like a Christian in the real world. You have taught us by example and we will never forget what you have done for us. No one can ever take that away from us." There was more but I couldn't see from all the tears. Every time I pick up the cards to read them, I cry before I can even start. And I grab a piece of chocolate before I get my tissues. By the time I can really sit down and read these beautiful offerings to me, I'll be sending a second child to college and running off to the Mall for a size 14 pants. No one told me how hard this would be. I remember my mother threw a party when I left for the joy of it all (jk). . .but . . . maybe a party would cheer me up . . . . chocolate cake with chocolate filling and icing of course, brownies, cream puffs, strong coffee and maybe some mint chip ice cream .................... what do ya think?

Frosted

So, I saw this woman I had not seen in a long time. I always suspected that she didn't like me. My suspicions were confirmed when she looked at me and said, "Oh, where do you get your hair frosted?!" Well (!!) everyone knows that I don't frost my hair, if I did, I wouldn't frost it with gray! So, I thought I'd be very clever and I put my hand on my hip (for attitude, you know) and said, "At Creations Unlimited." I was so proud of myself for coming up with such a creative answer. You get it, right? Creations Unlimited (God is our Creator - He is frosting my hair - you know, it's turning gray). She looks at me and says, "Oh, really, who does it?" Now, I'm really annoyed and I have both hands on both hips (more attitude) and I answer, "GOD!" She says, "Oh, Judy does mine . . . er . . . well, gotta run . . . um . . . nice seeing you" and off she dashes. I'm so confused, what did she mean, Judy does mine? So, I get home and tell my daughter what nerve this woman had and she says, "Mom! Creations Unlimited is the name of one of the beauty salons in town!"

Oops..........

Benny - Part IV - The End

One day we noticed that Benny had a tumor on his chest, the next day we found one on his back and the next day we found one on his stomach. We realized that Benny was "not long for this world." Benny was such a good little hamster, always entertaining us with his antics, especially the whole standing on his stumps to spin his exercise wheel with his front paws. We'd be so pleased with him and he knew it, too, because he'd look at us and smile. His tumors were getting bigger and bigger each day. One day, my oldest daughter received a gift in the mail from a friend of hers. The box it came in was so pretty. It was pink and it was just a tiny bit bigger than a hamster. Hmmmm. I took the box and put it right next to Benny's cage. My husband saw it there on Monday. On Thursday, it dawned on him why it was there. He said, "You can't leave that box next to the cage there for Benny to see, it's like bringing a coffin into a sick man's room!!" "Honey, he's a hamster (!!!), he has a brain the size of a poppy seed!" The next day, Benny was gone and I put him in the pink box that sat "hidden" under a towel. He lived a much longer life than anyone expected and taught us much more than we ever thought a little brained creature could. The End.

Benny - Part III

Each month that Benny lived I went back to the pet store where that rude shop keeper was to buy hamster food. I was so smug - so puffed up with pride that Benny was still alive, as if I had something to do with it - I think back now and I cringe at myself. I wanted that hick to know that Benny lived despite his feelings on the matter. On my sixth visit, the shop keeper said to me when I went to the register to pay for the food, "This month's food is on me. You done a good thing." That hick, as I referred to him, was a bigger person than I - he was wrong about Benny, about me and my family being kooks (okay, maybe we are kooks, but not for the reasons he thought!), and about the exercise wheel (more about that in a minute). He was big enough to admit he was wrong and to give us free food to make up for it. It humbled me. We actually developed a repore after that. I am embarrassed that it was he, the simple hick, that made the first gesture. It should have been me, the sophisticated (allow me this exaggeration) lady that claims to be a follower of Christ to make the kind gesture. But, alas, it was not and I have learned from that gentleman. He even took those African Water Frogs off our hands (now that is a story for another time........).

Now for the exercise wheel. No matter how he tried, Benny could not run on the inside of the wheel, but he would stand on his stumps on the outside and use his front paws to spin the wheel. What a hoot! Benny lived for nearly 3 years, then one day. . .

to be continued...................

Benny - Part II

When my son saw the footless hamster for the first time, he asked, "What are you going to call him, Stumpy?" ha-ha-ha When my husband saw the footless hamster for the first time, he asked, "What are you going to call him, Gimpy?" ha-ha-ha (Oooh, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!) My daughter. . .she was not amused. When she went to bed that night, with the hamster settled on her desk, I asked, "What are you going to call him?" She told me she didn't know yet. I asked her again in the morning, and then in the afternoon and then after dinner . . . she didn't know yet. At bedtime that night, I asked her again, "What are you going to call him?" She whined, "Mooooooooooom, I don't know yet, a name is very important." Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone about it. The next day, she announced she had chosen a name - Benny. Benny, after my Uncle Benny who had recently died. It's funny that only now I see this metaphor. Uncle Benny spent the last 5 years of his life in a nursing home, unable to walk, unable to communicate more than a few mere words. We never thought of Uncle Benny as anything less than "whole" and we visited him often. Benny, the hamster that is, was nothing less than "whole" in my daughter's eyes, even though he had no back feet to use in the exercise wheel . . .


to be continued..............

Benny - Part I

So, when my middle daughter was 9 she wanted to get a black bear hamster. We found a pet store that sold them and off we went. She looked at each hamster - ad nauseum - and finally made her selection. We called over the shop keeper and she said, pointing, "That one, please." He said, "Oh, no, sweetie, that one has no back feet. His mother done chewed them off when he was born. He's not long for this world." We had a little conference, she went into the corner of the store and prayed, looked at more hamsters - ad nauseum - and she said, pointing, "That one, please." Now, you all know it was the one without any back feet. In frustration I said, "Honey, can't you just pick out a whole hamster???!!!!" Can you guess which hamster she got?

We went buzzing through the store gathering supplies for this hamster that's "not long for this world." The shop keeper, who by this time thinks we're kooks (and wasn't shy about letting us know he thinks we're kooks) was watching our every move. We went to the register with the hamster's cage, food, food bowl, a hollowed out coconut for him to nest in, a water bottle, bedding and, of course, a hamster exercise wheel. The shop keeper took the wheel off the counter and said, "Sweetie, he ain't gonna be needin' that!" I had to agree with the man, but he didn't have to be so rude about it. "We'll take that wheel, if you don't mind!" I said. "Okay, lady, it's your $10.95!"

When we got home, we set up the cage, the bedding, the food, the coconut, the water bottle and the exercise wheel. That goofy hamster went right to the wheel and his back stumps fell right through the slots because he had no back feet to walk on!

to be continued.............

Hot?

Okay, all the headlines in New Jersey today are about the weather. I mean,what's the big deal? Yes, it's close to 100 degrees outside . . . and yes, that's hot . . . and yes, it's uncomfortable . . . and yes, it's humid . . . HELLO, WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF PERI-MENOPAUSE!! Can you say "Hot Flash"? This is what I say to all you complaining about the weather . . . Toughen up cupcake!

Never Pfft At A Prayer Request

With so many bloggers posting about prayer I thought I'd post this story.

The morning of October 23rd, 2002 I was at a ladies Bible study, my 7 year old son was in the other room with other homeschooled kids. We were taking prayer requests near the end and someone asked for prayer for safety for her trip that weekend to Virginia to visit her sick mother. She was concerned about the sniper who was shooting and killing people driving along the highway. Then, a dear older woman asked that we pray for the sniper, too. "Pfft....." I thought. On the way home my son asked me what a sniper was. I told him. He said, "Pfft, why should we pray for him??" My heart felt sick because my reaction, that of a mature Christian woman, matched the reaction of a 7 year old! I explained that God loves the sniper even though he does not love what the sniper is doing and that Satan must have a hold on his heart. I asked him if he'd pray with me and of course he said yes. This is the prayer we prayed as I remember it.

"Lord, God, Heavenly Father, please help this man to see the error of his ways and come to You. Stop him from hurting anyone else. Put Satan to sleep in his life long enough for You to do Your work. This we pray in Your Holy Name. Amen."

On Friday morning, October 25th, the headlines in the local newspaper read,

"Sniper Captured While Asleep At The Wheel"

Imagine our reaction................

Shhhhh

Whatever you do, don't talk to the x-ray technician who is performing your mammogram. This is how it may go.

technician: "Lean forward, stand up straight, lift your head. . . good."

me: "Ouch........"

technician: "Oh sorry, just a minute."

me: (trying to make small talk to distract myself from the pain) "Nice necklace."

technician: "Oh thanks. My friend, she lives in Chicago, had a jewelery party and I didn't really want to go. But, you know, you have to go and you have to buy something. And the funny thing is I didn't even like this necklace, but it wasn't too expensive so I bought it. And now, whenever I wear it I get so many compliments. Isn't that funny?"

me: "My breast is blue."