Homeschooling At It's Best

I bet you that the average public school kid does not know that it takes 7 pieces of Double Bubble Bubble Gum to blow a bubble bigger than your face. (If I had known I was going to post this picture I would have straightened out the homeschool shelves.) Sniff. . sniff. . .I'm so proud of my son...................

Warning: Sensitive Material

Today was the day of the dreaded, annual gyno. appointment. My first thought this morning (after praying, of course) was, how can I lose 10 pounds before 2:00?? Shoot, it's like 55 degrees outside, that means I'll have to wear my jeans and sneakers (they must weigh 1/2 a pound - but if I don't wear any jewelery or socks or my watch and if I cut my hair (okay, just kidding about the hair, it's pretty short already) and if I don't wear an under wire . . . hmmmm)
This is how it went:
Dr. B: "How are you?" (he's a man, and I'm not one of those woman who think men are useless when it comes to female issues, but men are useless when it comes to female issues!).
Me: "A tiny bit cold, there's not much to these paper gowns."
Dr. B: "Do you have any questions about peri-menopause?"
Me: "Yeah, what's up with these hot flashes?"
Dr. B: "Well, some women have them . . . and some don't."
Me: "What about memory loss?"
Dr. B: "Well, some women have that . . . and some don't."
Me: "What about food cravings?"
Dr. B: "Well, some women have them . . . and some don't."
Me: "Weight gain, mood swings, TEMPORARY INSANITY????? And if you say "some women have that and some don't" that will be my defense when the judge asks me why I slugged the doctor!!" Breathe in. . .breathe out. . . (I'm thinking, I can take him, I'm at least 10 pounds heavier than him (and to think just this morning I was lamenting over that 10 pounds), but it's the nurse I'm worried about. She's my size but she does have an unfair advantage, SHE'S GOT CLOTHES ON!!!) Breathe in . . . breathe out.
Fast forward..................
Receptionist: "Here's your bill."
Me: (smiling) "Sometimes I pay my bills . . . and sometimes I don't."
Receptionist: "Dr. B asked me to give this to you after he locked his door. It's the prescription for your annual mammogram."
Me: (still smiling) "Thank you. And, oh, is that Dr. B's silver Porsche parked out front?? Have a nice day." :)

For Bright Eyes

This is for my 18 year old daughter. Most of our conversations end up in "heated debates" so I'll write a blog for her. This seems appropriate since she is the one who set me up with blogging. She was tired of hearing my rants on parenting . . . especially since the rants usually applied to her ;) . . . but she reads every blog anyway, so now I rant in voice and in print. She just can't win. Here goes: Sweetie, you are an amazing, talented, worthy young lady, . . . a bit opinionated at times, but look who your mother is . . . you are so intelligent and have a whole world out there to discover. There is so much to learn and so much to see and you are so ready to do whatever it is God has planned for you. Don't be afraid, don't even hesitate to follow your Father's Will for you. If God is directing your path you cannot fail. I am here to support, to listen, to share my knowledge, to comfort and to pray. As long as you can tell me that you believe your decision is in accordance to God's plan for you, I will support you 100 %. God is not a God of confusion, He is a God of peace. With the right decision, peace will come. I am sorry for the unrest I have caused you. Truly, my motivation is to teach and guide, it's what I do, it's a mom thing, it's obnoxious I know and with the whole peri-menopausal thing going on it's a bit . . . er . . . um . . . strong (??), but know this, I love you, you are my first born and therefore I have loved you the longest. You truly are our Bright Eyes.

Momma Say What

15 year old: "Mom, you micro-manage my life. You treat me like a 5 year old. You're so bossy."
18 year old: "Mom, I'm 18 now, I think I can figure things out for myself."
15 & 18 year old in unison: "Mom, don't you trust that you raised us to do the right thing without you telling us all time????"

Momma say, "Okie dokie."

15 year old: "Mom, can you make my lunch?"
Momma say: "Far be it from me to micro-manage your life. I taught you well when you were 5 how to make lunch and I wouldn't want to decide for you what to eat. I trust you to make the right choices."

18 year old: "Mom, I need gas in my car and I didn't get my pay check yet. What can I do for money?"
Momma say: "Far be it from me to figure things out for you. I trust you to do the right thing."

This is way too much fun. . . he-he-he. . . (so, why aren't the girls laughing?????!!!)

Bye-Bye Puppy : (

We got the call . . . The SE is coming for our puppy in 3 weeks. After raising him for a year and a half, we'll have to say good-bye to him. He has been such a good puppy and we sure have loved having him. Really, he's a part of our family now, and the church family, and the neighborhood and the community . . . I feel so sad . . . everyone is sad. I talked to my son, you know the puppy was his project, to see how he was feeling. I approached him very solemnly and with tears in my eyes and asked him if he too was sad . . . he said, "Mom, he's still here." I'm like, "Huh?" He said, "Mom, why be sad now while he's still here, I'll be sad when he goes and I'll deal with it then, but we still have another 3 weeks. And besideds, he's a really dumb dog, he may fail." Well, I don't know if he's in denial or just a really mentally healthy kid. Either way, I'm adopting his attitude. It reminds me that God wants us to live in the present, where He is. God promises to give us new mercies each day. I'll wait, like my son, to be sad when the time comes and lean on God for His mercies that day. (Go figure, just when you're sure your son was switched at birth, he says something so intelligent that you just know he's got your genes!)

Death By A Chicken

When I was in northwest Arkansas I came across this sign in a drug store. "Raising Kids is Like Being Pecked to Death by A Chicken." (This was in between the life size, cardboard cut out of Elvis and the Partridge Family Lunch boxes.) Well, I thought, not my kids . . . not my sweet, intelligent, talented little darlings. No, not my kids, my kids are kind and considerate. . . (well, okay, they can be a tiny bit demanding and once they get hold of an idea, they are relentless - I mean, talk about nagging) . . . no, raising my kids is more like . . . er . . . uh . . . um . . .being pecked to death by a chicken. . .

. . . just kidding kids . . . (do they sharpen those beaks????????)

Please Join Me

Stormie Omartian says, "Some people believe that God is going to do whatever He is going to do no matter what, so there is no reason to pray. But the truth is there are things God will not do on earth except in answer to prayer." And I believe that to be true. There is scripture that backs that up. So I am asking for prayer, a miracle really, for a dear, dear, dear friend of ours. The details are not important because God knows them. I will share that his situation is very serious. I often tell my kids that they can't be in 2 places at one time, I've tried and it doesn't work. But my friend, well, he lives in 2 places at one time. One foot here in the present, in the presence of His Holy Father, doing His Will and one foot in eternity, storing his treasures in Heaven. He works in the here and now ministering to so many, all the while sitting before the Lord. We have seen angels at work in his fields and little babies healed of serious, life threatening diseases and deformities. Things only the Lord can make happen. He has never failed to pray for miracles for others, so now it is my turn. Please join me in praying for this man. Ask God, with thanksgiving in your hearts, to perform a miracle and heal this dear man.

"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." James 5:13-16

I humbly thank you.

Be Blessed

Some crazy lady with anger issues . . . (in the throws of peri-menopause, no doubt. Poor woman must be having mood swings, hot flashes and unhealthy food cravings, not to mention, she probably has three crazy teenagers and a husband who carries around candy bars in his pockets. No wonder she's a tiny bit uptight, I mean, those long waits on hold with the insurance company with music from the 80's playing, from the 80's no less, can send anyone into tail-spin.) . . . wrote the previous blog. She didn't mean it, she's very sorry, I'm sure. She probably is a very lovely, God-fearing, sweet natured gal who just had a bad day. In fact, I'm sure she's very gentle and loving, who tries to live by the words of Proverbs 15:1 and 16:24"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Be blessed today dear ones. May God abundantly shower you with His graces and may He make His presence known to you in your hearts.

Stress Buster

So, I get this mailing from my insurance company that contains advice on how to live a healthy life. "Five Ways to Eat Healthier", "An Active Mind is a Healthy Mind", "Handling Seasonal Allergies", etc. that's all fine and dandy. They even make you feel like they actually care about you . . . then I get to the "Stress Buster" article . . . and it just boiled my blood . . . do they really want to reduce the stress in my life????? Then why don't they just pay the 3 little claims I put in this year???? They bill me each and every month and I pay them each and every month. Do I question their bill??? NO! Don't I send them their payments on time???? YES! Then why can't they just pay a doctor's bill, that is clearly covered under my plan????? No, instead I get a "Denied" letter, addressed to Health Care Recipient, HELLO, I'm not a recipient until you send me something!!! Breathe in, breathe out . . .

Now as to their advice to reduce stress. Visit a park, talk with someone, share a meal as a family, play a game, do a puzzle, read a book, volunteer . . . I WOULD IF MY INSURANCE COMPANY DIDN'T KEEP ME ON HOLD FOR AN HOUR!!!!! I'd like to bust something alright . . .

Those Stinkers!

Those little stinkers!! No, I'm not talking about my teenagers (for a change). I'm talking about those beady eyed, shield carrying, sticky legged, crawly, flying stink bugs!!! They are the skunk of the insect world. How'd they get here anyway? They're from Asia. Did they hitch hike? I mean, I know they can fly, but across oceans? I throw them out my door but the birds don't want them because they stink. I wash them down my kitchen drain and they crawl back up in an hour. My 82 year old aunt collects them in a jar and when she gets a dozen of them she flushes them down the toilet. My aunt has gone green - she won't waste a flush on just one :) One of those little stinkers flew right into my macaroni that was boiling on the stove. We had a dozen activities that night, so I scooped him up and threw him out. When my daughter wanted to know why I was spraying air freshener in the kitchen I pretended not to hear her and said, "Set the table honey." I tried to eat the dinner, but I just kept smelling that stink and seeing those beady little eyes in my mind. So when I abruptly yelled, "Wait, don't eat that!" And I confessed the whole incident, right down to the, "Lord, bless this food unto our bodies. . ." My little stinker (that is my 13 year old) claimed it added flavor to my dinner!! My big stinker (that is my husband) claimed it added protein!! Me and the girls, we ate apples for dinner . . . but what are those little chew marks on our apples . . . did someone say stink bugs feed on apples??!!

Diet Saboteur

Last night I stepped on the scale and sighed my usual "augh."
My husband says, "What' the matter?" (Big mistake on his part.)
"I didn't lose a single ounce!!"
"Are you dieting?" (Big mistake number 2.)
"AM I DIETING???? AM I DIETING???? HAVE YOU BEEN IN A COMA FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS???? I'M ALWAYS DIETING, NOT THAT IT MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU, YOU DIET SABOTEUR. MISTER HO-HO, MISTER MILTON HERSEY, MISTER RING-DING, KING KIT-KAT!"
And get this, he started laughing. The nerve of him to laugh at his nearly hysterical, peri-menopausal, chocolate craving, stressed out, fragile wife. The loving mother of his dear teenage children . . . . wait, it's all his fault isn't it? If it weren't for him, I'd have no teenagers, no spreading middle, and I'm sure I can blame him for menopause too. I need a candy bar to get over this.

Note: he had a candy bar in his pocket.

Waffles and Ice Cream

When my children were little we started this "tradition". Whenever my husband was away on a business trip, I'd buy us waffles and ice cream for dinner. We'd go to the store and all three of them would sit in the shopping cart and we'd select the best ice cream flavor. Of course I made sure they had eaten well that day and had a full day's worth of fruits and vegetables etc. They were always so excited that they forgot how unhappy they were that daddy was away (at least temporarily). Those were the good old days, when waffles and ice cream could make me the best mommy in the world. Wouldn't it be great if that's all it took to please my dear teenage children. Waffles and ice cream . . . so my husband is away . . . guess what we had for dinner last night??!! Guess who's the best mommy in the world??!! Oh yeah!! Guess who's going to the gym today??!!

There Is Hope

Below is a poem written by my dad sometime before his death in 1982. It was found after he died, taped to my very first needle point project. The needle point was a pathetic work, with many mistakes, but I was proud enough of it to give it to my dad, and he proud enough to keep it and attach this poem. The needle point was the back of a little girl, in bonnet and smock, carrying an old suitcase. There was the feeling that her trip was unwanted (maybe that's because my work was so sloppy, I'm not really sure). I have been to my father's grave only twice, the day he was buried, which I have no recollection of and then about a year later. He's not there and I know that, but the visit made me extremely sad and extremely anxious. I felt the need to leave something behind, but I had nothing. So, in the bottom of my purse I found an empty gum wrapper and I wrote the last words of this poem on it and buried it beside the grave. I don't even know what made me think of this today, but I did, so I am sharing it here.

I see the sun, but there is no warmth,
I hear the wind, but there is no breeze,
My heart speaks, but there is no sound,
I hear a knock, but no one is there,
I see the stars in the heavenly sky,
and then I remember there is hope in the coming
morning.

Yes, there is hope. Hallelujah! Praise God!

Wolves or Teenagers?

You would think that I lost my children as infants and they were raised by a pack of wild wolves for the last 10 years. My 13 year old son eats with that pack mentality. He devours all his food, without the aid of utensils, and prowls around, sniffing out every edible morsel (and some not so edible) and inhales it. I even stabbed him in the hand (by accident, of course) when he put his paw, I mean hand, on my plate to steal my food while I was just about to eat it. Then when he's done eating, he curls up on the floor while his body makes all kinds of wild noises. And the girls, I think they are building nests in their rooms using all their dirty laundry. Their beds, well, let's just say they don't have the concept of making it every morning. They are like wild animals . . . well, okay, they're not really wild, I mean, they don't curse, or drink, or smoke, or sneak out, or lie about the important stuff, and they love and revere God and they care about each other and me and their father . . . I guess those wolves taught them something along the way . . . 7 of those 10 years were spent homeschooling . . . okay, they're not so bad, they're even kinda' cute . . . and cuddly . . .