Today was the day of the dreaded, annual gyno. appointment. My first thought this morning (after praying, of course) was, how can I lose 10 pounds before 2:00?? Shoot, it's like 55 degrees outside, that means I'll have to wear my jeans and sneakers (they must weigh 1/2 a pound - but if I don't wear any jewelery or socks or my watch and if I cut my hair (okay, just kidding about the hair, it's pretty short already) and if I don't wear an under wire . . . hmmmm)
This is how it went:
Dr. B: "How are you?" (he's a man, and I'm not one of those woman who think men are useless when it comes to female issues, but men are useless when it comes to female issues!).
Me: "A tiny bit cold, there's not much to these paper gowns."
Dr. B: "Do you have any questions about peri-menopause?"
Me: "Yeah, what's up with these hot flashes?"
Dr. B: "Well, some women have them . . . and some don't."
Me: "What about memory loss?"
Dr. B: "Well, some women have that . . . and some don't."
Me: "What about food cravings?"
Dr. B: "Well, some women have them . . . and some don't."
Me: "Weight gain, mood swings, TEMPORARY INSANITY????? And if you say "some women have that and some don't" that will be my defense when the judge asks me why I slugged the doctor!!" Breathe in. . .breathe out. . . (I'm thinking, I can take him, I'm at least 10 pounds heavier than him (and to think just this morning I was lamenting over that 10 pounds), but it's the nurse I'm worried about. She's my size but she does have an unfair advantage, SHE'S GOT CLOTHES ON!!!) Breathe in . . . breathe out.
Fast forward..................
Receptionist: "Here's your bill."
Me: (smiling) "Sometimes I pay my bills . . . and sometimes I don't."
Receptionist: "Dr. B asked me to give this to you after he locked his door. It's the prescription for your annual mammogram."
Me: (still smiling) "Thank you. And, oh, is that Dr. B's silver Porsche parked out front?? Have a nice day." :)
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10 comments:
Too bad that he didn't have a male nurse! Next time, call me, I will hold your hand and console you! That's what papa's are for. By the way? The Porsche is mine. Do you need me for the mammogram appointment. If you do, just keep me abreast of the appointment time.
Papa!! Gotta love you, you do make me laugh. I pegged you as a sweet sensitive type. Do you really drive a Porsche?
I wish the Porsche was mine! I drive a sluggish ford van - bummer! I am the sweet sensitive type - I would hold your hand very gently and reassuring.
I knew it!!!! Is mama okay with that???????
Shhhhh! Have to be our secret! :o)
mama wouldn't even let me in the room with her!!!
LOL!!!!!!!
You crack me up! I think all women have thoughts like you did when they anticipate a visit to the scale at any doctor's appointment. I laughed when I read about you lamenting about having to wear jeans because I have those same thoughts...
Just keep in mind that sneakers weigh about 4 x's as much as flip-flops ;)
It doesn't matter what shoes I'm wearing at the doctor's office - they are all coming off... :)
I've so messed my daughter up already - she kicks her shoes off at the scale too.
You're right, what was I thinking?? No shoes is the way to go to the scale. ;)
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