Scratch The Earth

Here is a message told to me and my husband by a dear, dear friend of ours who is very sick. I pray I do it justice.

"I have a lot of time to think and pray because I am too sick to do much else. God has shown me many things. One important thing He has shown me and I want to share with you is this: Our best witness for Him is not in quoting scripture, not in shoving a Bible or a tract in someone's hand but in establishing relationships. No, don't beat anyone over the head with your Bible. Saying, 'Here, read this' means nothing, . . . nothing. But if we can talk to someone, build a relationship, that's like scratching the earth. As we grow in our relationships with others, we drop seeds. Then, we sit back and let God do the rest. Sometimes, we get lucky and see the seed grow. All God is asking us to do is scratch the ground and plant a seed. He will tend to the seed, see that it is watered and grow it. Teach this to your teenagers because it is very important to the Kingdom of God. Tell them to have friendships with all sorts of people. Scratch the ground, drop a seed and grow God's Kingdom."

Ridiculous Dialog

"You're ridiculous!"
"No, you're ridiculous!"
"I'm ridiculous?
"Yes, you're ridiculous!"
"I'm not the one who is being ridiculous here!"
"Oh, so you're saying I'm the one being ridiculous?"
"Are you hard of hearing?? You're ridiculous!"
"Wait, why am I ridiculous?"
"I don't know - you started it!"
"I started it?"
"Yes, you started it!"
"Nuh-uhh! You started it!"

Shamefully, this dialog was between an 18 year old girl and her lovely mother. Poor, dear woman, she's a saint.

"She is not!"
"She is too, and get off my blog!"

The Tinkerer

My father was a tinkerer. He had this little workshop in the basement. The room was mostly below ground, with one high rectangular window. The room was always dark, even on the brightest of days. On those bright days you could see every dust particle that floated in the air in the stream of sunlight that came through that window. My father had a bare light bulb that he turned on by screwing it in by hand, turning it off by unscrewing it. He had a soldering tool, a wood burner, old mayonnaise jars filled with nails, screws, nuts and bolts, a saw, a screwdriver, a hammer, some twine, some paint, some turpentine and a vice. He fixed the toaster once, my mother's electric frying pan and the iron. His garage work area consisted of a push mower, a shovel, an electric hedge clipper, a ladder, a bench, scissors and a clipper. He mowed the lawn, trimmed the hedges, pruned the trees, painted the rocks, and made a pond with an old kitchen sink. He worked 9 - 5 and a few nights a week. He seldom got phone calls, never knew a Home Depot, never had fast food or cable TV. Yet, he was satisfied. What he had was all he needed. His wife, his home, his children, his family and his small set of tools. He tinkered with his tools and he was satisfied. It is not in the amount of possessions you have, but what you do with the ones you do have.

I'm Begging Your Pardon

I have just been on a wild adventure. It was exhausting and exhilarating and intense. I was at it for about 4 hours yesterday and nearly 3 hours the day before. I couldn't do it alone so I took along a dear friend of mine (Thanks L). The stamina, the staying power just to get through has depleted me of all energy. You must be curious as to what we've been up to ..........
I booked my family on a 12 day trip to the northwest using Frequent Flyer miles!! You would think I was asking the airlines to give me a private plane! I needed our card numbers and our pin numbers, I needed to find a flight that had flyer mile seats available (it seems I was able to get us to a destination, but not get us back), then I had to hold the reservation, call a different number to "divide out" mileage, call back to make the reservation a ticket - but guess what? one member of our family didn't have enough mileage, so I needed to transfer mileage and guess what? that cost me $165.00. Then somehow in the 1 hour and 15 minutes that it took me to transfer mileage, the airfare went up and so did the amount of miles needed to get a "free" flight (it cost $30.00 per person to get your free flight). Now I had to pay for one ticket and only get 4 free tickets. After all was said and done, I sat back and excitedly said to my husband, "We're booked for a 12 day trip to Yellowstone National Park and it cost us less than $700.00 to get there!" He said, "Great, do we have good seats?" "WHAT? I DON'T THINK I GOT US SEAT ASSIGNMENTS YET?" This is the short version of my conversations with the airline's satellite office in India.
Airline: "gibberish."
Me: "Are you speaking English?"
Airline: "Si"
Me: click
Airline: (with heavy accent) "My name is Natalie and here I am to help you."
Me: (soft prayer to self) "I need seat assignments for my trip. I have 5 confirmation numbers and I'd like us to sit all together."
Natalie: "We have 23 A,B,C,E & F"
Me: "What happen to D?"
Natalie: "I'm begging your pardon."
Me: "Never mind. How many rows are on the plane?"
Natalie: "23."
Me: "I don't want to be in the last row next to the bathroom and in seats that can't move back."
Natalie: "I can give you 18E and F, 19 A and B and 21 F."
Me: "Are these window, middle or isle seats?:
Natalie: "Yes."
Me: "I'm begging your pardon? I mean, I'll just go online and see if I can do better myself."
Natalie: "I am happy today that I am here to help you and if you need anymore service I am happy to help you again. Have a nice day and thank you for calling me."

I'm so tired - it's a good thing I have a few weeks to recover before our trip...............

Take A Hike

Vacations are important, no matter how short, no matter where to, no matter the weather, no matter what. It's important to step aside from the busyness of our lives and to sit back and observe the world from a resting position. It's just not healthy to be in drive all the time. We need to rest our engines, put it in neutral, cool our jets, put it on the back burner, let it simmer, (you get the idea) or just turn it off. God gives us this example in the first book of the Bible ". . .and He rested on the seventh day from all His work . . ." How do you imagine God rested? Did He sleep? Observe the world He just created? Plan man? Eat? Hike? Swim? Fly a kite? Body surf? Have a party with His peeps (you know, the Holy Spirit, Jesus, the angels)? (Is it a sin to call Jesus and the Holy Spirit peeps?) I like to imagine He went to the beach and quietly observed the seas and then went to the mountains and quietly observed the land. And then I imagine He went and contemplated all He had just created and made plans . . . plans for me and for you, for all His children. Imagine, the Creator of the Universe thought of me and you on the seventh day . . . how cool is that? I love vacations - they give me time to observe the world and contemplate....................

Pay Attention

While chatting with a friend, I discovered that I have changed my way of communicating since I have teenagers. I use strategies rather than just plain talking. I'm thinking that part of this is because of the age we live in, there are just too many distractions, but part of it is dealing with teenagers. I'm not sure how effective this is, or how appropriate it is in all situations, but I think it works . . . and I'll be sure to ask the kids the next time I get their undivided attention. So here it is. As I talk to the kids, I fit everything into a neat little paragraph and I move around a lot, and when I think I'm losing their attention, I charge at them and halt right before slamming into them. If they weren't paying attention to me before this move, they certainly will be more attentive after this. Stamping my feet right next to their bare feet works, too. Oh, and the little air horn - works like a charm. But, as in all things, there is a need for balance and boundaries. I mean, someone who was getting coffee at the Quicky Mart would not be at all happy about being startled by an air horn - nor would be the teenager who works there that has to clean up said coffee - nor would my daughter who claims she's already listening. Me, on the other hand, I'd be thrill from the 3 high five's I'd get on the way out from other moms. I just love all the attention ..............

Texting - Part III

Texting is antisocial. There, I said it. I am not buying the argument that (please read this with a high pitched whine in your voice for the full effect), "I talk to more people now than ever before because it's easier to text someone than it is to call them." Ha - that proves my point!! If you don't have enough social skills to talk to someone in person or over the phone you aren't going to learn any social skills by texting someone. Social skills are a learned behavior that takes self confidence and a certain amount of poise which you cannot learn while texting. Social skills are to be practiced in a variety of situations. Texting friends is not really being social. Yes, it's communication, but on a very primitive level. It requires no finesse (and apparently no spelling or grammar either). Half the fun of interacting with someone is . . . well . . . interacting. Maybe if our teens learn better social skills they will find a spouse and leave home sooner (jk). All I'm saying is that teens are way to connected to their cell phones and this does not mean they are being social. It is really the opposite, they talk less in person and have become less comfortable talking to their peeps in person, opting instead to text each other. This is the end of my tirade, if you don't like it, send me a text - I'm not comfortable with confrontations.

Texting - Part II

Texting is rude - as Jar-Jar Binks would say, "How wude!" The whole "multi-tasking" thing is very disturbing to me. It gives people (when I say people I really mean teenagers) the impression that sharing your attention between two or more tasks is okay. In my book, it's just rude. Whatever happen to "undivided attention?" In most parenting books I read back in the late 80's and early 90's, the advice du jour was to give your children undivided attention (now it's quality time - I'm not digging that either - I got issues). Multi-tasking was a no-no. Listen to your children, set aside whatever it is that you are doing and give your child your attention, make your child feel as though they are more important than any task at hand. I followed that advice - I hung up the phone, I let the dinner simmer, I turned off the TV, the radio, the computer, set the bills aside and never interrupted them. I thought that the pay off was to have the same respect from them. Then along came cell phones and text messaging. I liked the idea of being able to call my child no matter where they were, so I was okay with them having phones (that they paid for, of course). But I didn't realize that the costs (texting while I am speaking) would out weigh the benefits. I mean, I really don't like to quote a Gungan, but "How wude!" I see people (and when I say people, this time I mean people) texting while driving, eating dinner out, shopping, walking the dog, navigating busy sidewalks, in the classroom, in the bathroom, in the post office . . . you get the picture. Ugh, it makes me crazy. This is not multi-tasking, it is just plain rude! Are you listening to me??? I can't tell because your fingers are going at mach speed!!! Why is your pocket vibrating while I am talking to you??? You're grounded, text that!

to be continued...............

Texting - Part I

This is my opinion on text messaging . . . if you are one of the millions of people addicted to texting, please skip this . . . text messaging is bad for your mental health and it makes you stupid. How? Well, if every time a thought pops into your head, you text it to a friend, a spouse, yourself, or everyone in your address book, you give yourself permission not to commit that thought to long term memory. You are training yourself to text it and forget it, thus denying yourself full use of your God-given brain, thus shrinking your brain power, thus making you stupid. You never have to make a "mental note" of anything because you just text it. I know people who frequently text themselves. I mean, if you have a disease and you know your brain is not functioning at full capacity, then I see no problem texting yourself to remember something (like "take your meds"). But, if you are a healthy individual, you are just encouraging poor mental health and stupidity in yourself. And, furthermore, is every thought that pops into your head really worth remembering and sharing?????????????? Plus, how bad is it to forget to defrost that chicken (really, that's what microwaves are for). My kids just think I'm too cheap to get text messaging, but really I'm just being smart.

On Graduation Parties

On Graduation Parties - I think our high school graduates ought to give the parents a party rather than the other way around. It is in my humble opinion that the parents deserve to have a party thrown in their honor. I mean, who drove them to school, picked them up at the bus stop, made the lunches, bought the outfits, helped them study chemistry and mathematics, proof read the papers, prayed over the school, the teachers, the students, sent in pie on pi day and donuts to the secretaries, attended band concerts, choir concerts, awards ceremonies, conferences, plays and class trips, and who, may I ask, pays the taxes? Who homeschooled their senior because she didn't want to go back to public school? Really, what do the kids actually do? Yes, they get up every morning ready for the day. Yes, they do their homework and yes, they attend each and every class. And yes, they pass all their tests and they study for every exam. Yes, they write all their reports and essays and type each one out. And yes, they attend all their practices and performances. Yes, they far exceeded my expectations . . . okay, so a small party may be appropriate for their efforts . . . but 60 people??!! Is that really necessary???

What's For Dinner?

I think my family is under the mistaken impression that I have been diagnosed with a serious illness. Why else would they make dinner three nights in a row? Why else would they give me gifts? Why else would they water the garden without asking? Please don't tell them that the only thing wrong with me is peri-menopause. I mean, how would they know? (It's not like I talk about it or anything!) I don't even care that 2 of the 3 nights we had hot dogs and turkey burgers, I'm just glad not to be the one cooking. Of course, if I were the one cooking, we'd never have hot dogs and hamburgers on the same night. You see, hot dogs are a meal for one night and hamburgers are a meal for another night. But, again, since I'm not doing the meal planning, who cares? I mean, I really don't even care that we didn't have a vegetable for 3 nights or that french fries are loaded with fat. Well, I care a little bit, but I'd be sick to say so, right? Maybe I really am sick and they know something I don't, and maybe I have been diagnosed with some serious illness, and maybe the doctors told them and not me or maybe they just love me .........

Bad Planning

One should never plan to send a daughter to college and end a 7 year period of homeschooling during the wonderful *cough, cough* time of peri-menopause. Can you say mood swings!! emotional outbursts!! food cravings (well, I had to throw that in)!! Seriously, I would not have done a single thing differently, and my kids (though far from perfect) gave me the most perfect gift with the most perfect words, "Mom, you have prepared us for life and showed us how to live like a Christian in the real world. You have taught us by example and we will never forget what you have done for us. No one can ever take that away from us." There was more but I couldn't see from all the tears. Every time I pick up the cards to read them, I cry before I can even start. And I grab a piece of chocolate before I get my tissues. By the time I can really sit down and read these beautiful offerings to me, I'll be sending a second child to college and running off to the Mall for a size 14 pants. No one told me how hard this would be. I remember my mother threw a party when I left for the joy of it all (jk). . .but . . . maybe a party would cheer me up . . . . chocolate cake with chocolate filling and icing of course, brownies, cream puffs, strong coffee and maybe some mint chip ice cream .................... what do ya think?

Frosted

So, I saw this woman I had not seen in a long time. I always suspected that she didn't like me. My suspicions were confirmed when she looked at me and said, "Oh, where do you get your hair frosted?!" Well (!!) everyone knows that I don't frost my hair, if I did, I wouldn't frost it with gray! So, I thought I'd be very clever and I put my hand on my hip (for attitude, you know) and said, "At Creations Unlimited." I was so proud of myself for coming up with such a creative answer. You get it, right? Creations Unlimited (God is our Creator - He is frosting my hair - you know, it's turning gray). She looks at me and says, "Oh, really, who does it?" Now, I'm really annoyed and I have both hands on both hips (more attitude) and I answer, "GOD!" She says, "Oh, Judy does mine . . . er . . . well, gotta run . . . um . . . nice seeing you" and off she dashes. I'm so confused, what did she mean, Judy does mine? So, I get home and tell my daughter what nerve this woman had and she says, "Mom! Creations Unlimited is the name of one of the beauty salons in town!"

Oops..........

Benny - Part IV - The End

One day we noticed that Benny had a tumor on his chest, the next day we found one on his back and the next day we found one on his stomach. We realized that Benny was "not long for this world." Benny was such a good little hamster, always entertaining us with his antics, especially the whole standing on his stumps to spin his exercise wheel with his front paws. We'd be so pleased with him and he knew it, too, because he'd look at us and smile. His tumors were getting bigger and bigger each day. One day, my oldest daughter received a gift in the mail from a friend of hers. The box it came in was so pretty. It was pink and it was just a tiny bit bigger than a hamster. Hmmmm. I took the box and put it right next to Benny's cage. My husband saw it there on Monday. On Thursday, it dawned on him why it was there. He said, "You can't leave that box next to the cage there for Benny to see, it's like bringing a coffin into a sick man's room!!" "Honey, he's a hamster (!!!), he has a brain the size of a poppy seed!" The next day, Benny was gone and I put him in the pink box that sat "hidden" under a towel. He lived a much longer life than anyone expected and taught us much more than we ever thought a little brained creature could. The End.

Benny - Part III

Each month that Benny lived I went back to the pet store where that rude shop keeper was to buy hamster food. I was so smug - so puffed up with pride that Benny was still alive, as if I had something to do with it - I think back now and I cringe at myself. I wanted that hick to know that Benny lived despite his feelings on the matter. On my sixth visit, the shop keeper said to me when I went to the register to pay for the food, "This month's food is on me. You done a good thing." That hick, as I referred to him, was a bigger person than I - he was wrong about Benny, about me and my family being kooks (okay, maybe we are kooks, but not for the reasons he thought!), and about the exercise wheel (more about that in a minute). He was big enough to admit he was wrong and to give us free food to make up for it. It humbled me. We actually developed a repore after that. I am embarrassed that it was he, the simple hick, that made the first gesture. It should have been me, the sophisticated (allow me this exaggeration) lady that claims to be a follower of Christ to make the kind gesture. But, alas, it was not and I have learned from that gentleman. He even took those African Water Frogs off our hands (now that is a story for another time........).

Now for the exercise wheel. No matter how he tried, Benny could not run on the inside of the wheel, but he would stand on his stumps on the outside and use his front paws to spin the wheel. What a hoot! Benny lived for nearly 3 years, then one day. . .

to be continued...................

Benny - Part II

When my son saw the footless hamster for the first time, he asked, "What are you going to call him, Stumpy?" ha-ha-ha When my husband saw the footless hamster for the first time, he asked, "What are you going to call him, Gimpy?" ha-ha-ha (Oooh, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!) My daughter. . .she was not amused. When she went to bed that night, with the hamster settled on her desk, I asked, "What are you going to call him?" She told me she didn't know yet. I asked her again in the morning, and then in the afternoon and then after dinner . . . she didn't know yet. At bedtime that night, I asked her again, "What are you going to call him?" She whined, "Mooooooooooom, I don't know yet, a name is very important." Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone about it. The next day, she announced she had chosen a name - Benny. Benny, after my Uncle Benny who had recently died. It's funny that only now I see this metaphor. Uncle Benny spent the last 5 years of his life in a nursing home, unable to walk, unable to communicate more than a few mere words. We never thought of Uncle Benny as anything less than "whole" and we visited him often. Benny, the hamster that is, was nothing less than "whole" in my daughter's eyes, even though he had no back feet to use in the exercise wheel . . .


to be continued..............

Benny - Part I

So, when my middle daughter was 9 she wanted to get a black bear hamster. We found a pet store that sold them and off we went. She looked at each hamster - ad nauseum - and finally made her selection. We called over the shop keeper and she said, pointing, "That one, please." He said, "Oh, no, sweetie, that one has no back feet. His mother done chewed them off when he was born. He's not long for this world." We had a little conference, she went into the corner of the store and prayed, looked at more hamsters - ad nauseum - and she said, pointing, "That one, please." Now, you all know it was the one without any back feet. In frustration I said, "Honey, can't you just pick out a whole hamster???!!!!" Can you guess which hamster she got?

We went buzzing through the store gathering supplies for this hamster that's "not long for this world." The shop keeper, who by this time thinks we're kooks (and wasn't shy about letting us know he thinks we're kooks) was watching our every move. We went to the register with the hamster's cage, food, food bowl, a hollowed out coconut for him to nest in, a water bottle, bedding and, of course, a hamster exercise wheel. The shop keeper took the wheel off the counter and said, "Sweetie, he ain't gonna be needin' that!" I had to agree with the man, but he didn't have to be so rude about it. "We'll take that wheel, if you don't mind!" I said. "Okay, lady, it's your $10.95!"

When we got home, we set up the cage, the bedding, the food, the coconut, the water bottle and the exercise wheel. That goofy hamster went right to the wheel and his back stumps fell right through the slots because he had no back feet to walk on!

to be continued.............

Hot?

Okay, all the headlines in New Jersey today are about the weather. I mean,what's the big deal? Yes, it's close to 100 degrees outside . . . and yes, that's hot . . . and yes, it's uncomfortable . . . and yes, it's humid . . . HELLO, WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF PERI-MENOPAUSE!! Can you say "Hot Flash"? This is what I say to all you complaining about the weather . . . Toughen up cupcake!

Never Pfft At A Prayer Request

With so many bloggers posting about prayer I thought I'd post this story.

The morning of October 23rd, 2002 I was at a ladies Bible study, my 7 year old son was in the other room with other homeschooled kids. We were taking prayer requests near the end and someone asked for prayer for safety for her trip that weekend to Virginia to visit her sick mother. She was concerned about the sniper who was shooting and killing people driving along the highway. Then, a dear older woman asked that we pray for the sniper, too. "Pfft....." I thought. On the way home my son asked me what a sniper was. I told him. He said, "Pfft, why should we pray for him??" My heart felt sick because my reaction, that of a mature Christian woman, matched the reaction of a 7 year old! I explained that God loves the sniper even though he does not love what the sniper is doing and that Satan must have a hold on his heart. I asked him if he'd pray with me and of course he said yes. This is the prayer we prayed as I remember it.

"Lord, God, Heavenly Father, please help this man to see the error of his ways and come to You. Stop him from hurting anyone else. Put Satan to sleep in his life long enough for You to do Your work. This we pray in Your Holy Name. Amen."

On Friday morning, October 25th, the headlines in the local newspaper read,

"Sniper Captured While Asleep At The Wheel"

Imagine our reaction................

Shhhhh

Whatever you do, don't talk to the x-ray technician who is performing your mammogram. This is how it may go.

technician: "Lean forward, stand up straight, lift your head. . . good."

me: "Ouch........"

technician: "Oh sorry, just a minute."

me: (trying to make small talk to distract myself from the pain) "Nice necklace."

technician: "Oh thanks. My friend, she lives in Chicago, had a jewelery party and I didn't really want to go. But, you know, you have to go and you have to buy something. And the funny thing is I didn't even like this necklace, but it wasn't too expensive so I bought it. And now, whenever I wear it I get so many compliments. Isn't that funny?"

me: "My breast is blue."