Menopause Much?

Conversation with the husband:
"I made hotel reservations," he said.
"Why?"
"So we could get away together, to be alone without the kids."
"But, I like the kids."
"Don't you like me?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because you got me a tea kettle that doesn't whistle."
"I didn't know it didn't whistle."
"Did you think to look?"
"No, but why does it have to whistle?"
"Because, I forget I put water on and if it doesn't whistle I may burn the house down."
"So, you won't go away with me because the tea kettle doesn't whistle?"
"No . . . .well, yes."
"But the hotel has a hot tub."
"You wouldn't catch me dead in a bathing suit right now. In fact, if I die, shred my bathing suit lest someone find it and think it's a hot air balloon."
"So, you don't want to go away with me because you don't want to put on your bathing suit?"
"No . . . well, yes."
"Should I cancel the reservations?"
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. YES!!"
"Are those hormones I see shooting out of your ears?"
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.................."

Christmas Day Quotes

Son to mother - "The camera only holds a charge for about 10 minutes."
Mother to son - "That's okay, because it'll only take you 1 minute to open your one present."
Son - "Ha, ha, ha. Wait, you're kidding, right?"

"Thanks! Wait, what is it?"
"Stop filming me and help me get this glass ornament out of Bart's mouth!"
"You mean, they're not Broadway tickets?"
"No, really, I've always wanted a . . . . . wait, what is it?"
"I think it's a cat toy."
"Can someone hold the tree while I get the dog untangled from the lights?"
"HE'S EATING IT!"
"So, what, exactly, about me screams out rhinestones??"

Daughter to mother - "How did you know I wanted this??!!"
Mother to daughter - "You wrote it down on a list and emailed it to me . . . . . twice."
Daughter - "You're brilliant."
Mother - "I know."

And finally, "Boy, am I glad that's done!"

7 Pounds

I'm not talking about the movie, though I do want to see it. I'm talking about 7 pounds of butter. You see, I was at Shop Rite (which we affectionately call Hop Rite because the lights in the S are never working) and I needed to buy butter for a Christmas recipe. I went over and pondered the different butters - salted, unsalted, name brand, store brand, organic, not organic. . . I guess it doesn't really matter because that 7 pounds I wanted to lose by Christmas (er. . . New Year's) would not disappear eating recipes of the sorts I was planning on making. I looked at that butter and stacked 7 one pound boxes on top of each other. I looked some more and put them in a circle. I looked some more, thinking to myself it is no wonder I can't zip up my jeans with 7 pounds of butter (28 sticks to be exact) floating around my middle, rear and hips. I put 2 stacks of 3 and one balanced on top and was still pondering when a woman came over and asked if she could take one. I replied,"Sure, it'll look better on you than on me." To which she replied, "I beg your pardon?" To which I replied, "You see, those 7 boxes of butter represent the 7 pounds I wanted to lose by Christmas...er...New Year's, so, go ahead and take the butter, I'm skipping this recipe." I felt good as I stood there looking at these 6 boxes, feeling a sort of victory over them. The woman who had taken the top box was gone, but then she came back. She put the butter back on it's spot on top of the 6 others and said, "Actually, it would look better on you. Merry Christmas." Now what do you suppose she meant by that???

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Ice Packs

After my daughter's surgery, her sweet little face wasn't so little anymore. Her face swelled up from the removal of her wisdom teeth. So, I made her some ice packs out of old tube socks. They say, "Happy Socks" "For Unhappy Sockets" My daughter was very amused, but then again, the pain meds make everything amusing....................

On Wisdom Teeth

My daughter had her wisdom teeth removed yesterday. I have many friends who have had children's wisdom teeth removed and they assured me there was nothing to worry about. But, you see, this is my daughter, my first born, my child who was having their wisdom teeth removed. It's different when it's your child. I think I handled it well . . . . well, except for maybe the part when the nurse asked my daughter if she were on birth control and I jumped in and told her my daughter is "not that kind of girl!" And maybe when she asked if she drank alcohol, I may have been a little quick to answer (my daughter calmly looked up at me and said, "Mom, I can answer my own questions." Ouch) It wasn't until the doctor came to take my daughter away that I was a tad bit overboard. It happened all so fast, the nurse and the doctor wanting to take my daughter and drug her up and cut her up, sawing away a part of my precious daughter's body . . . .

"Take my wisdom teeth Dr. B, please, if you must have wisdom teeth, take mine, just don't hurt my baby!"
"Mrs. L", Dr. B said calmly, "you don't have any wisdom teeth."
"Take my molars, then," I shouted. . . .

. . . we both did well, after all is said and done. But next time one of my children need surgery, Dad is going to take them.

Be Ever So Blessed

What we learned in the year 2008:

A puppy, a Pop-Pop and wrapping paper cannot co-exist.
"No-Fail Fudge" isn't.
14 year old boys and puppies act very much alike.
After 22 years in the same house, the husband can always find the hidden chocolate, but not the milk.
Puppy gates and stockings cannot co-exist.
Never take Pop-Pop too far from a bathroom.
Egg babies crack under pressure.

What God taught us:

Family vacations are essential, no matter what age your children are.
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

Finally:

We wish all of you a joyous Christmas, filled with traditions, new and old. May God touch your life in a very special way as you join others in worship and friendship in celebration of Jesus' birth. Be at peace and be ever so blessed.

So, everybody get a bottle of . . . this stuff

Does Christmas shopping leave you feeling tired? Try some I Love Lucy!

Pregnant Goats and Christmas

Some years back my husband and I decided we wanted to simplify Christmas. With encouragement from a friend, we sent a letter to family members stating we no longer wanted to exchange gifts, but instead we would make a donation to a special cause in their names. The first year we bought a pregnant goat in the name of our family members (now, how many people can say that!). It was our desire to give our children the gift of giving. Telling them that they were going to give a family in a poor community a pregnant goat was exciting. We didn't know what to expect. Would they whine about the lost gifts? Would they miss the opening of presents? Would they feel deprived? No way!! They embraced the idea whole-heartedly!! They even carried the idea over to their birthdays and collected donations for various organizations instead of receiving gifts. All three of our children are happy givers, never once feeling deprived. In fact, they feel privileged, blessed and rich in their souls.

May you all be blessed this Christmas season!

Egg-zactly

My 16 year old has a project for health. Egg babies. Ridiculous, I know, but it's for a grade. And just her luck, she had twins. She's being a sport about it. She named them Rodgers and Hammerstein. And being the diverse person that she is, she selected pretty brown eggs. One had a small crack in it, which happened while hard boiling them, and she told her teacher it was born with a birth defect. She sealed the crack with glue - performing delicate brain surgery she said- to save her baby's life. You have to love those smiley faces and googly eyes on them. She told her teacher that she preferred to have them in day care because she felt high school was not an appropriate place for little babies - he said, "No." She suggested the possibility of homeschooling them - he said, "No." She said she had a babysitter for them - he said, "No." She said he was making them cry - he said, "Sit down." She said, "Okay." She told her friends at lunch that they were sleeping and to leave them alone - they said, "They don't look like they're sleeping." She said, "Shut-up."

My daughter is a good egg and she cracks me up . . . . sorry, I couldn't resist . . . .

Love Ya

My poor husband. He gets very little mention in my blog. It's not because of any lacking on his part. He's this great guy and I love him to pieces (what exactly does that mean, to love someone to pieces??). It's just that he's so low maintenance. Don't get me wrong, any relationship worth it's salt (what exactly does that mean, worth it's salt??) takes work. We just work really well together and love doing it - it doesn't necessarily feel like work. In fact, it's fun going through life with him. He's funny, he's intelligent, he loves my cooking (key point), he's an amazing father, he's generous and he's low maintenance (did I mention that twice??). Every December he announces to the family, "Don't get me anything for Christmas. I don't need anything. I've got all I need." And the funny thing is, is that he's the one who is the most deserving of Christmas gifts. We were in Wal-Mart once and he was cracking corny jokes and the lady behind the register said, "You're husband is funny. I bet he's fun to live with." At the time I was somewhat frazzled and responded something like, "Oh, yeah, he's a laugh riot. We just sit around all day laughing - ha-ha-ha. . . . ." But, truth be told, he does make me laugh and I love to laugh. So, here's a shout out to my husband . . . I love ya!

Who Are You?

"I don’t care what people think. I don’t care if I fit in. I care about who I am. If I do something wrong and not a single person finds out, it’s still a part of who I am. I believe that it is a challenge to be the same person in the privacy of your heart as you are in the light of the world."

Wow! My 16 year old daughter wrote that. She is the most authentic person I know. She challenges me to be real. So, I'm in my kitchen, cooking, as I do much of the time, in silence (I never have a TV on, seldom do I listen to the radio, once in a while I'll listen to an Ella Fitzgerald or a Third Day CD,) I'm thinking about what she said . . . who am I in the privacy of my heart (or kitchen) . . . sadly, in the privacy of my kitchen, when no one is here, I am Rachel Ray. Yes, folks, I talk to an unseen audience, giving them my secret cooking tips. . . . . . .

For real, if I'm really being honest (thanks K for teaching the honesty lesson in Bible study) I am a mother who is hopelessly proud of her children. In the light of the world and in the privacy of my heart I am the mother of children who drive me crazy, but whom I love dearly.

Yawn

This is Bart. He's a little tired. Why? I don't know. He's not the one running around cleaning up pee and poop day and night. He gets carried up and down the stairs. We run around the yard trying to get him to chase us and he just sits there, yawning. He's just 7 weeks old and a tiny little thing. I don't know how he'll ever grow up because he pees and poops out twice what he takes in. Again, I must ask myself the question I ask myself so often, "What was I thinking??"

Invisible My Foot

There are these beautiful emails circulating about the "Invisible Mother." They are very well put and are very emotional. We (Moms) are compared to the great cathedrals of Europe, how the builders themselves never got to see the completed structure in all its beauty. Moms are just invisible beings, building the lives of their children into beautiful structures and God sees all we do, even if the children don't. . . .ho-hummmmmmmmmmmm

Here is my little rant. Children who think their moms are just invisible beings with hands and feet that own a mini-van are severely mistaken. As in all things there needs to be balance and boundaries. I don't want my children going around saying things like, "My mom works day and night for my family!" However, a simple thank you and recognition once in a while is not only appreciated, it's expected. Invisible Moms are creating an "entitlement generation." I do not want my children thinking all the work done on their behalf is without effort and that they are entitled to it. And I know that my reward is really in Heaven and all the things I do, I do to honor God. But I am not invisible. (Let's face it, it would be really hard to make a woman who is almost 5'7" and over 150 pounds, with loud-mouth Polish and Italian ancestry invisible, but now I digress.) I want my children to know that I love them enough to climb the highest mountain for them and cross the widest river for them, but I draw the line at their bedrooms, they've got to clean them themselves! And even if my children don't thank me someday, I know their spouses will. . . .

Etc. etc. etc.

Now that my daughter is at college, I can write stories about her that she can't delete. Heh -heh-heh. . .

When my kids were young we read a lot!! We went to the library weekly and took out 10 books each (the maximum allowed,) and we belonged to a children's book club and received new books monthly. We went to story hour at the library every Friday morning. We read all kinds of stories and poetry, children's books and novellas. We were, however, discretionary. There were books about a certain bear family that I refused to read to the children. The father bear was an idiot and always doing something stupid. He was lazy, ate too much, never helped in the kitchen, forgot to take out the garbage and watched too much TV. I said, "Uh-uh, no way are we reading these books; he's a poor example. . . etc. etc. etc."

So, one Friday morning we went to the library for story hour. I had my youngest in an infant seat, my middle child with her "dolla" and my oldest, with her books and markers and pads (to take notes I guess?) 1, 3, and 5 years old. The presenter got up and said, "We are reading some ***** Bear books today!" My 5 year old stands up and announces in a too high voice, "We don't read those books because my mother said the father is a boob!" It's always in the "etc. etc. etc." that I get myself in trouble................

Bart

Do you like the name Bartholomew? Bart for short? Bartholomew is credited with saying only three things in the Bible. First, he said to Philip, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" (ahh, yeah) Then he said to Jesus, "How do You know me?" And then he said, "You are the Son of God! The King of Israel!" That's it. He was one of the 12 Apostles and was martyred for his faith. Jesus said to him, "In you there is no deceit!" Are you warming up to the name? I am and really that's a good thing because Bart is the name of our next Seeing Eye puppy!! He's not due to be released until Thanksgiving morning, but we are getting him on Tuesday. Since the Seeing Eye NEVER releases a puppy before it's time, my son is convinced he is a trouble-maker and The Seeing Eye is releasing him to us early just to get rid of him. Me, I think they trust my son. His first puppy went home with his new owner last Saturday, a blind man from Georgia. They made it home in time for Thanksgiving - how apropos. As for Bart, I can't wait to meet him. I hope he is like Bartholomew of the Bible, a puppy of a very few words................

Good Mother?

So, I picked up my daughter from college and brought her home with 2 of her friends this weekend. I had these great plans of bringing them fresh baked goods for the car ride home and making home-made pizza for dinner when we got home. I planned on setting up clean towels with little decorated name tents and chocolate mints on their pillows. I planned to buy flavored coffees for their breakfast of homemade pancakes. I planned to vacuum the floors and dust the rooms and bleach the bathrooms and wash the front hallway and spray cinnamon spray all over the house for a beautifully scented atmosphere. But then on Wednesday my Bible study ladies stayed late, my husband went on a business trip, my other daughter was inducted into National Honor Society (way to go honey - but next time be more careful during the candle lighting ceremony), my son had basketball practice, I had a parent-teacher conference (shape up sonny boy), I helped a friend with her disabled husband, made dinner for a friend, took the kids to: youth group, the dentist, school, choir, the diner and the music store, went to a prayer meeting and talked to a friend in need for over an hour on the phone. So, I picked up my daughter and her friends, gave them granola bars for the ride home, stopped by the pizza parlor and shouted to my son to find the extra pillows when we walked into the house, that smelled like nothing at all, with dirty carpets and dull bathrooms. No chocolate mints and the coffee was just Maxwell House regular roast. . . .so, I asked my daughter if she felt like I was neglecting her because I didn't make her home-baked goodies or have a really clean house.

daughter: "Oh Mom, I don't need that, I'm not a baby. I know you love me. You are a great example to me of how we need to help others. God has called you to do these things."

me: *sniff-sniff* "But am I neglecting you??"

daughter: *smile* "nuh-uh."

me: *kiss* "Good. So, you can vacuum the downstairs and do the dishes. Sheesh, do I look like a maid or something.........................

Laugh With Jesus

I love the story in the book of Matthew (14:22-33) where Peter first thinks Jesus is a ghost walking on the sea, then to be sure He is not, Peter orders Jesus to call him to walk on the water with him. Peter walks on the water and because of his fear he begins to sink. Freaked out, Peter cries out, "Lord, save me!"

This is how I picture the rest. Jesus shakes his head, smiling and with a twinkle in his eyes, reaches out his hand and says, "O you of little faith, you're such a knucklehead, why did you doubt?" Sometime later, Peter and Jesus and the guys are hanging out in between miracles. Jesus walks up behind Peter and says, "Boo!" The disciples start to crack up remembering how they thought Jesus was a ghost, Peter gets up and begins to chase after Jesus. They run around for a while, finally coming to a rest, out of breath. Jesus looks at Peter and smiles. They share a very personal moment, with their eyes locked, laughing and smiling . . . . . .

That's what it's all about. Spending time together, building memories, goofing around, poking fun at each other with laughter and joy. When was the last time you laughed with Jesus?

Fall

A rare blessing - me, speechless.

Found My Core

Okay, so I found my core. You want to know how I know? - it's because it's killing me. It hurts when I stand, it hurts when I sit, it hurts when I lay down, it hurts when I drive, it hurts when I laugh and it really hurts when I sneeze. The only time it doesn't hurt is when I'm eating. Go figure.

Note to self: 1 session a day is a good start.

Core What?

I have a problem with my new work out videos. First, the guy on the tape tells me that I can look like the model - I got news for him, no matter what I do I will never look like a tall, skinny, black girl with perky boobs. Not happening. Second, he tells me to use my core - I think my core is made out of jello, either that or it was surgically removed when I had my last C-section 14 years ago. Third, my exercise bands are too short - they don't reach over my head, in fact, they barely reach my shoulders. Forth, he shows a modified version of the exercises for people who can't do the version the models are doing, but what if you can't do the modified version?? Fifth, I understand that you need to work out the major muscle groups, but he's got us working out muscles I didn't know I had. I figure if I haven't used these muscles for my first 49 years of life, I won't need them for the next 49 years. And finally, the background music is irritating. But other than that, it's a fine program.

Note to self: 2 sessions a day is a good start.